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20070417
dame dame
dammit! feeling all emotional again! probably it's talking to jiejie. she always make me open up and talk to her more than i usually do to mommy. but was already in bad mood before.dame!! hate feeling emotional.feels as if i'm whining or weak. bloody weakling. bloody aussie.or maybe i'm too fortunate and greedy not to see how fortunate i am and demand for more quality time alone there. or back to sg because i can used my time as i wish. talking jie always make me miss sg hell lot more. but the thing is.. am i happy back in sg? but i'm not happy here either. so must well go back sg right?! but i need to finish my bloody schooling here. so all mommy's children can go Uni and wear the square hat so she can take family pictures and flaunt it. well at least it's something to flaunt about.proud of her children.cool. but the process. dame fucking hard and miserable. sista said, the sign of maturity is doing something you know it's right whereby it isn't something you like.and i bloody hell don't like any bit what i'm doing now and i feel fucking whiny which is hell immature. something to motivates me is the fact that she said, if i study really hard. get good grades, maybe NUS might accept me.that's hell alot of motivation. just hope i get started..

people, just think how fortunate you are for not needing to lose everything in one shot for something else and be contented with what you have. where you though life's perfect and then then plunge that perfection life of yours and being pushed into pile of shit. at least you don't have to lose everything at one shot. accept things you cannot, not able to withstand. something over your limit. someone to hellish your life when you're already at the peak to hell. well maybe i'm exaggerating but still life's isn't always getting what you want.and i'm going to work soon. finally. i don't have to stretch my freaking hands for money. it makes me feel useless and worthless. i'm 19 and i cant even pay for my own stuff. i need others' help. gotta see their attitude, their mood.

i want to get a laptop.so i don't have to share with her* maybe because i'm just selfish or impatient.i'm sorry but i can't help it. i want a camera. so i can capture my emotions at times. so i can capture my life when i'm aware of it. i don't want to be alone.. so that i don't have to think and write stuff like this. but i want to be alone. so that i don't get pissed and annoyed. i'm sorry i don't mean to lose my temper every now and then. but i'm sorry i can't help getting annoyed and short tempered. i sorry to be mean at you even though i know you did your best.. for that i expect you to be understanding when i'm not. I'm sorry.

~ { 4/17/2007 12:31:00 am }
wish upon the star;