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20060828
sigh.. what more can i ask..
few days ago, had a talked with leen. not sure what's she thinking and doing now. but i hope it's all be over soon. as the problem with lans family not solved yet, problems with daff, mei group arise.. sigh.. i dunno what's wrong with them. sort of know. cause had a chat with jy think the day before. about daff. it's always about her. all our problems. because of her and marilyn. both of us reckon mar hold her down. won't elaborate more about it but that's what loads of us think. told her to talk to daff. and the outcome is, daff choose the stick with mar and rather "disown" yi mei as friends. which the whole point is, yi mei's not even in the topic. and they whole point is, i hate the fact that daffodil push all the blame to yi mei, and pulled glenn into the issue too. because of marilyn. i don't understand what's so great about marilyn that daff always stick to her, support her. since sec days. i had enough of those they when daff ignore me and stuck up to marilyn. can't stand it! and now, daff's gone poly, mar studying private Os and the pro is, daff had the choice to break free from mar but the choose to stay..
and i'm getting more mo shen to everyone.. i don't know what they're thinking now. don't know how stress they really ar. compared to mine. what's mine. compared to those adults. what's theirs.
daffodil, just wanna asked you, how you feel about me and your relastionship. am i always the person for you when there's no one else? when you need something? when mar's not free to have "fun" with you. you're always saying what best friends. but you never ask how am i. what i feel. how i feel. you're always telling me you you you and you. nothing about me me me and me. you seems selfish but nice at times. that's what confused me. who are you. why, why must you stick to marilyn. all i know about her is someone that's comes to us then she need us, or when she's bored, when there's no ash. someone that wants to take but doesn't give. someone that sweet talk to you when you're nice to her but slap you with all those shit she thinks about you when you Anger her. she's bascially not an angle to me. you can be angle. but you choose the opposit way. what a pity. reflect. think. compare, not the the better ones but those worst than you. you're so lucky. yet you don't apprecite. i don't know how long i can hang on. cause i'm not strong. i tried to be. tried so hard to be. tried so hard to put meself into you people's shoe. try to understand. but it seems i'm so that insignificant.. i wonder, who am i significant to, what's my purpose in this world. what i hope i'll do is to bring happiness to everyone, let them aware about the people beside them. aware that how big this world is actually and not the small world they live in. daff's a good exapmle. in her dream world. wishing everything good comes to her and nothing bad happenes. that's so impossible.. =(

i can't recognise this place, the endless road without a road.
can't even find a stranger this time. why am i still holding back my tears?
in this loneliness there's nothing to fear. every chord seems a wonder.
how long we all can last together.
why am i still, always talking to myself?
hoping that any of you might have the key to stop this weather.
but why am i drawn deeper, how do i ever get out of this?
i think i'll never will. because i'm already dead. so why am i holding on..

~ { 8/28/2006 06:51:00 pm }
wish upon the star;