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20080717

back to sg and then back to au again. everything that's happening in sg seems like a long dream and now i am to face reliaity. michelle in singapore is all free and happy. busy and exciting. michelle in australia is all stressed up, bad tempered, shouting all the time, not to say feeling like shit. it's not even 24h back in au and i hate the feeling. no sense of excitment, no peace, messy room, parents' shouting all the time. especially mom, she stress you up all the time. person like me have no experience with computer stuff and expects me to fix her software. expects you to help her and when you need her help, she goes i don't want to help you people, always leave it to me to me. she has to repeat that all the time. she simply forgets about those times where she rec'd people's help but always remember those times where she help people. man i don't know.

and i'm so freaking bored. another 1 and a half week. what am i suppose to do. sleep all day long. impossible, and no idea why i wake up so early today. and here i am in my room, spacing out or daydreaming or hopefully i would pick up a pen and start doing some work, dad in living room, snacking and telling mom "can't you let me rest a little more", mom walking around living room the study desk complaing at dad or sittin beside computer or watching tv with that. with occassionally times (often i should say) come in to my room and nag nag nag. then syd would be in her room, stareing/typing to her computer or on the floor doing her work. that's basically our daily routine. 4 mths before i can go back to sg, before that i have to work hard so i can afford an air ticket back plus expenses in sg. no one is going to support you now, you're not like some rich parents' kid where they feed money into your pocket. you gotta have to work for every penny. and no point getting jealousy them or people who have government to fill their pocket cause you are not them (easy to say, hard to do)
sometimes, i wonder what happened if 2 yrs ago i insist or even dare talking back to them about staying in sg, not coming perth with them. i wonder why, even though i'm not given a choice, i didn't even voice for it. why? pretty obvious that i'm bored in perth since i talk to myself most of the time in australia then in sg. was 24/7 in au and once or maybe twice online per week in sg. (see parents' shouting again. so damn noisy, definatly enjoyed peace and freedom back in sg) sometimes, even though of giving up. pack my back, to back to sg. but if i do that, what good will i get? no dipolma, lost my O level cert, no degree, i've got basically nothing. i'm finally crippled and freedom wise is pretty much the same. all i can do is, live in my hole (only place where i owned everything, maybe partially owned). Well, in conclusion, i'm pretty much a failure.

~ { 7/17/2008 04:54:00 pm }
wish upon the star;