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20070617
strength
i can conclude something after finish watching 1 liters of tears. i'm better, at holding back, holding back my tears. i cry really easily when i was young. eg, when sister says she hates me, i'll cry. someone said they don't like me, i'll cry. when brother bully me, i'll cry. but i seldom had the chance to, or don't necessary have the chance to, maybe that's due to the hectic lifestyle i had in sg. busy busy and busy. well am i really that busy? i dunno. when was young, normally always spent time alone watching cartoon network or whatever cartoon they have on tv. or spending time with maid no idea doing what. sometimes i just sit there, watch them eat. that's how free i used to be. up till secondary school, when there's vball to keep me occupied. what do i do now then?

1l of tears, that girl's really strong. how could someone know she's gonna lose everything, had to cope with so much changes, still has the courage to live. how could i meet little obstacles and yet wanna give up? why do some people has the strength to continue yet some give up easily? like plants, animals, everything has a limit. when you kept pouring water onto a sponge, it'll eventually overflow. i wonder if a person, who always keep things to themselves explode too one day.. don't you find human interesting?? they can eat so much and not explode, they can think so much and still kept thinking!

told mama, people has to look forwards and not kept looking back to our past since, it's already happened, why ponder over it. why not move on, creating a better life, giving one-self hope? told her i don't look back, i looked forward. choosing my path, even if made the wrong choice, there's still alternative. those are just simply white lies to encourage her. well partly true but, how would someone who kept saying, "oh in sg this and oh in sg that" look forward? it's a challenge everyday, whether how strong my will is, to hold on..the michelle before.. or to let go, looking for the happy michelle. but what's happy? i can't recall what's being happy like. a whole happily family? where's my siblings now then? why do they hardly call or msg? good friends? what are they doing? and oh, what is good friend? can someone give me the definition of good? good friend? happy family? or is the stereotypical happy means perfect to people?

to close your eyes, and recall, the good old memories of yours.to remember, the you that was once cherish and cherished.
to close your eyes, and not able to recall any memories. what should be done then? memories are not presents from family or friends. they are just past you've created for yourself..

~ { 6/17/2007 12:06:00 am }
wish upon the star;