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20061008
reflection time again..
hmm celebrated lunar festival yesterday.. had loads of fun yesterday especially when you join in the fun instead of keeping yourself.. plus got my friends along too (they're so sociable. so unlike me. got along with others really fast!) anyway, reckon the best part was walking around the area carrying lanten. so pretty. cause it's really dark here whilst there's so many different lantens all lit up! so pretty, with the huge round bright moon and those laughters from the kids. nice things doesn't also happen, that's why it's only once a yr. anyway, played games too. haha my team got the last, cause we've got more grown up kids whereby other team has little kids (3-8) where all those adults cheated for them!! of course they won, but we lost gracefully (*can't think of the right word now). anyway, about the trip back to sg. not sure whether i'll be staying till Jan. of course gotta go back cause kor kor's getting married and i've got my marathon run. but other than that, are all my personal reasons. today when fumosa with daddy and mommy cause they're gonna discuss business stuffs with mr wong(the boss of fumosa). and on the spot, he asked if i'm interested working for them. of course i'm delighted! as i don't get allowance from my parents, it's a good opportunity to earn money. so i'm now currently on their waiting list. however, he said it would most probably be during dec cause it would be busy then but what about sg! he said, what's the point wasting so much time in sg, must well work here and earn money. what he says not totally wrong. but that's because he's not in my position where friends i'm attached to are there. however, what's bothering me is.. is what i'm doing worth it? doesn't it matter the others if i do other wise? people might says it's alright get used to the loneliness and stuffs. but that's not it. imagine after 4 yrs. when i finish studying.. people asked you go back. so they can see you once again. but then, how much time do you spend with time. what's is your real, main purpose. to see them or to survive. i dunno.. and how many friends do you have when you go back.. 4 yrs.. not really that long. but people do change during this 4 yrs.. as well as feelings.. i don't have the confidence i'll the like what i am now.. cause i'm really scare.. what sg friends doing making worried.. when you talk to them, you gotta make effort to. though it's the same towards friends here.. but they are people you know for ages.. and what's scary is you don't know what they're thinking.. how they feel about you.. how much they're said are true and how much are mend to be said (the proper things they should say), i sorry if i think this way and it's annoying but i can't help it.. i dunno if i'm too sensitive or it's because i'm thinking too much.. but it seriously can't be helped.. i can't wait to see my friends.. but there's so many buts.. but at the same times i'm afraid to see them.. would all my friendship be like daffodil lee?? i wonder what's she thinking now? i'm so stupid.. maybe i shouldn't have care, bother so much about yi mei, should have just let her so what she wants since i'm just another friends of hers that couldn't be by her side.. maybe she's just lonely..that's why she wants to reconcile with daffodil lee.. like what DL said. i'm not with them so i don't have to right to give any comment or say anything. and what she said, "it's all your fault" might be right too. since i'm the one that started commending when listening to a person's point of view but of course with my own feeling and point of view.. or maybe like what Marilyn ang said, i'm just jealous.. but how can you not be any jealous where where you know nothing about your friends anymore.. when others having fun, you wonder if anyone remembers you.. i tried so hard.. to keep in touch with everyone.. i get tried too guys.. i'm just another normal human that gets jealous at times, lonely occasionally, tired constantly, busy with my work too like you guys.. so why are things gonna be like that? things never, Never goes the way i want it to be.. not once.. everytime i reckon i'm happy with my life, something gotta pop out and destroy it..destroy me. argghhhh!!!! fufufufufufufufu!!!!!

~ { 10/08/2006 09:51:00 pm }
wish upon the star;