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20060917
shade of evilness..
finally everything's over. we bid each other good bye and that it, back to our life. finally get to live freely.. feel the tense on my shoulder lighten. marilyn, you seriously have no idea how lucky you are. i'm so afraid of your future. worried that it might be hard for to in the future. but now, i don't think it's necessary anymore. you don't need me as a friend. i suppose i don't need you too. i don't need you at all. but i used to want you as a friend, like you as a friend. i guess i've changed. changed into a person that despise you. you're always thinking of ways to make yourself for the better, thinking that only other made mistakes. i'm human too. i made mistakes. but at least i've got the guts to admit my mistakes. take advise. you? you're so pathetic. living in your world thinking you're seen the whole big side of the other ugly world. commending about my au friends,just because they're 3 yrs younger than you doesn't make them childish. you're the juvenile one. assuming how mature the person is base on their age. it's not like this. what would make you get this into your head?? not going clubbing, haveing fun means still living in the "tinny minny world" of mine. having fun isn't the important thing. it's the experience you've gain. things you've seen. things you've seen doesn't mean seeing people fighting. means seeing how your parents work, suffers, stressed you to make you grow into a successful person, those obstacles they've gone through.

and daffodil. for once, please put down your pride and admit you're in the wrong as well. what i'm trying to say is, even as an outsider, you've changed. so why the F*** deny?! you've got your right to choose your friend. so which means i've got mine too. and i've choose you not to be mine cause you're not fit to be. you never though of how i feel. so i guess your goodbye's the best thing i've even received and thank you for helping me making up my mind. you know what? i think you're as pathatic as well, always making things up, using the same old shit to cover your mistakes. what you can do is just say you like doing stuffs in your way and not repeating again and again we've made you as if you're were the victim. i don't revile to you my secret is because of one simple pure reason. you don't gain my trust!

to my other friends. i'm not as "nice" as i've made in front of you people. deep in me is a really self. selfish, mean, devil. anything bad you would think of. i'm wearing a pretty facade. and thanks for trusting me. it helps withhold my evilness a little. haha but i guess this evil person never will change. people who stay with me, always get hurt. so before you get hurt, keep away from me. i hate lying to myself. i hate being a good girl. it's so tring. you've gotts do all things nice. and if you did a mistake, people reproach you for it. and then it's all your fault. and if you don't admit it's your fault, you're the sinner! you're the worst of the worst. i'm already the worst of the very worst you can imagine. so why made me feel worst. feeling what's it like if i've not in this world. i can't believe friend actually made you feel like dying as well. it's so bizarre! friends made you feel good. friend makes you feel like shit as well. i want a friend. a simple person for a complicated person as a friend. that's all i want.

~ { 9/17/2006 05:07:00 pm }
wish upon the star;