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20060924
am i sick?
was weird yesterday. totally shut myself from everyone else.. no mood to talk to anyone. sick.. feeling so sick. as if mentally sick isn't enough. down with flu and cold. feeling like shit. still, haha read my manga..read till the whole eyes turn red and watery. that's how stubborn i am. when i want something. when i don't wanna just stop just because...whatever.. everything's not the same anymore. i cannot feel myself anymore. i don't know who i am anymore. i don't know what's my existence to this world. to bring pain or laughter to the people. everytime i wonder, what i am to the others. a subsitution? a friend? or a passer-by. i'm so weird. i always tell others i hate people lying to me. and the more i lie to myself. i must really hate myself then.. i can't remember when the last time i ever really laugh. really laugh because i'm happy. i wanna understand others' pain.. because i hope some might wanna know my pain. but what's my pain. i don't understand. maybe i'm still a young inmature little girl worrying about friend and stuffs. not aware of the "out side world". maybe like what marilyn said, i always hold back to what people said and never move on, never grown up. but what would i be if i forget about what everyone, anyone have said. even if they've not mean it, those are things the cross their mind, it's what they've though before.. everyone's so typical. they aim for the same thing, want the same thing. i dunno how to express it. maybe it's just human nature. that everyone's so selfish. they don't care about others because they're overwhelm by their own pain, their own wants. i dunno.. i'm just a sicko..

~ { 9/24/2006 05:20:00 pm }
wish upon the star;